I have been spending my afternoon reading about heated debate between the supporters and denouncers of the Alabamian law passed yesterday. I am indignant, angry, heart-broken, and deeply disappointed. These feelings do not include my response to the law itself, which are entirely unrelated. My disappointment (and that is much too weak of a word) is the result of the fact that, in the middle of a debate centred around human rights, both sides are acting in ways that completely dehumanizes the other. It’s not a surprise- the nature of abortion is intensely personal and provokes the fiercely protective side of people, whether that be the protection of a woman’s inherent right to choose or a baby’s inherent right to life. But it continues to sadden me that in the middle of an issue that is so incredibly significant regardless of how it is approached, so many are still failing to refrain from the name calling, slandering, and stereotyping that both draws away attention from the heart of the issue and prevents any kind of rational and constructive interaction between the two sides.
I understand where the fiery words come from. If you believe that a fetus is a precious child inherently deserving all the rights that any human should receive, it might make sense to throw out the name “child-murderer” to a woman who has had an abortion. If you believe a fetus is not a human, then forcing a woman to permanently alter her own life and body is both senseless and an utter violation of her rights- calling a pro-life supporter “woman-hater” is a logical progression. But the issue is not black and white. Abortion is not straightforward- what may seem abundantly evident as true to you may be abhorrently false to someone else. The issue of abortion is messy, multi-faceted, intensely personal, and full of implications crucial to millions of individual lives, regardless of how you define ‘life.’ And the issue is far too important for us to further poisoning with the kind demonization and otherizing that is happening constantly.
While I do not support all of her views and methods, Jameela Jamil has become one of my heroes in the last months. She is an outspoken advocate for representation in the media of all people groups, whether that be in terms of body type, race, gender, or age. She is calling out and exposing a toxic media culture that has put forward one specific prototype of man or woman that is acceptable, a culture that is adversely affecting far too many people and that has had an incredibly destructive influence in my own personal life. Instead of doing as many in her place have done and taking advantage of this culture for her own personal benefit, she is denouncing it, pioneering for change, and doing unspeakable damage to what has been a long-accepted noxious norm. In addition to being an advocate for body-positivity and diversity, Jameela is also an abortion advocate. For this, she has been called- amongst many other things- the “lowest kind of human being there is…willfully ignorant, soulless, and selfish”, as well as a “baby murderer”.
I don’t care if people agree with her or not. What I do care about is that the people who disagree with her are letting their hatred for this one aspect of what she stands for morph into hatred for who she is and, apparently, all the incredible good that she is doing for our society. This is just one prominent example of a widespread pattern- how passionate people are painting other passionate people with general brushstrokes of hatred because of one aspect of who they are and what they believe. A pro-choice person might be selfish. He or she might be ignorant in his beliefs and biased in his or her opinions. Or, he or she might be well-informed, motivated by reasons completely outside of his or herself, and self-sacrificial. You can’t always know what a person is like based on one of their beliefs. You definitely can’t know that they are “soulless”. And you don’t have to say so to argue with what they are saying.
On the other side of the spectrum are the pro-lifers who are even more often on the receiving end of destructive name-calling, otherizing, and stereotyping. Just in light of the Alabama controversy in the last couple of days, prominent pro-choicers have been calling the decision “blatantly demonstrative of a hatred of women”, “waging all-out war on women”, designed specifically to “control women”, and as a one element of a ” fight for rationality and compassion and autonomy over sheer insanity.” (Ironically that first quote is from Jameela.) I do not know the senators who voted for the Alabama law, and I can’t defend their motives behind the decision they made- nor do I want to try.
But I do know many pro-life advocates, and I do want to defend them. Many of my closest and most respected friends and family members are pro-life. And I can say with the utmost indignation and finality that they do not hate women, that they are by far the most compassionate people that I know, and that their war on abortion is not fuelled by a desire for control over women, but by their convictions based on research, faith, and their belief in the sanctity of life. Some pro-lifers are not well-informed. Some pro-lifers may not be well-intentioned. But the ones dear to me are, and countless more are like them. And I refuse to stand by as they are slandered because of their beliefs.
I’m not here to ask you to change your convictions on abortion. That is an entirely distinct topic, and I’ve tried to write as neutrally as possible for that very reason. What I am pleading from you is that, as you are giving your thoughts on what you believe in (whether that be abortion or LGBTQ+ rights or religious freedom or environmental issues), you would remember that the person you are engaging with on the other side of the screen is a person just like you with their own set of convictions and opinions that have been shaped by their own unique life experiences. Just like you, they do not deserve to be demonized for what they think. Just like you, they are more likely to listen to arguments when they don’t include defamations of their character. Just like you, they are passionate, and they want to be heard and to make a difference.
Bottom line: being pro-choice doesn’t make you soulless. Being pro-life doesn’t make you a woman-hater. And if you are unable to keep your beliefs from poisoning the way you talk about someone with a different opinion, then do yourself and everyone else a favour and take your destructive words out of the equation.
Rain Dancing 